Loneliness has a way of making us feel like we’re the only ones struggling, but the truth is, desire and want live in every heart. They are as natural as breathing; the silent force shaping our choices, guiding our thoughts, and fueling our actions. Deep down, each of us carries a longing or a vision, even a goal that quietly directs how we move through life.
To my dear sisters who feel this most in their solitude: know that these longings take many forms. Sometimes they are molded by our surroundings, our friendships, or the season of life we’re in. Other times, they are shaped by family expectations, faith, and the beliefs rooted in us. But whatever their source, they remind us of a truth; desire is part of our design, and what we do with it is what truly defines us.
As teenagers and young adults and depending on your circle and how chaste you are trying to be, the most common desire for you is either “love, money, a safe space for your mental health, a sense of belonging, and/or being regarded as responsible by way of financial independence or residential independence.”
For every action there is a desired outcome; you wash your hands because you want clean hands that are free from germs. Desires are very natural, nothing to be embarrassed about. Sometimes they are so strong and overwhelming, sometimes they are weak and sometimes they are mid. As true believers, the end goal should always be to attain success in this life and in the hereafter, seeking Allāh’s mercy by way of preserving the rights of Allāh over us; performing the obligations, staying away from prohibitions, and doing lots of voluntary good deeds. The benefits of which have been narrated to us:
Hadith:
“الثالث: عن ابن عباس، رضي الله عنهما، قال: ” كنت خلف النبي، صلى الله عليه وسلم، يوماً فقال: ” يا غلام إني أعلمك كلمات: ”احفظ الله يحفظك، احفظ الله تجده تجاهك، إذا سألت فاسأل الله ، وإذا استعنت فاستعن بالله، واعلم: أن الأمة لو اجتمعت على أن ينفعوك بشيء، لم ينفعوك إلا بشيء قد كتبه الله لك، وإن اجتمعوا على أن يضروك بشيء، لم يضروك بشيء إلا بشيء قد كتبه الله عليك؛ رفعت الأقلام، وجفت الصحف” ((رواه الترمذي وقال حديث حسن صحيح)) .”
Ibn Abbas (May Allah be pleased with them) said:
One day, I was riding behind the Prophet (ﷺ) when he said, “O boy! I will instruct you in some matters. Be watchful of Allah (Commandments of Allah), He will preserve you. Safeguard His Rights, He will be ever with you. If you beg, beg of Him Alone; and if you need assistance, supplicate to Allah Alone for help. And remember that if all the people gather to benefit you, they will not be able to benefit you except that which Allah had foreordained (for you); and if all of them gather to do harm to you, they will not be able to afflict you with anything other than that which Allah had pre-destined against you. The pens had been lifted and the ink had dried up”.
Being mindful of Allāh, seeking nearness to Allāh, and being kind to the creations of Allāh are some of the major ways to attain success. Let’s take, for example, the story of the prostitute who attained Jannah by feeding water to a thirsty dog with her shoe.
It is from the steps of attaining control over our actions to acknowledge in ourselves that all the desires we have are very valid and very natural. However, the way we act based on these desires cannot be haram, impermissible, or disliked. We cannot allow these desires to drive us into haram.
Dear sisters, wants and desires should only serve as trials and triggers for us to turn to Allāh, seek His aid, and embrace jihad against our nafs from every evil desire. Loneliness, in many cases, is unwanted and unhealthy because it leads to more evil than good.
Ibn Qayyim says: “In the heart there is a scattering that nothing can gather except turning to Allah; a loneliness that nothing can remove except intimacy with Him in seclusion; a sadness that nothing can dispel except the joy of knowing Him and being true with Him; and a restlessness that nothing can bring peace to except nearness to Him and fleeing from everything to Him.”
Many young women are single and lonely today and I can’t help but wonder sometimes, “How do you even carry the weight of this loneliness?”
But then I remember that The One to Whom we all belong- Allāh, sees:
Ash-Shura 42:11
فَاطِرُ ٱلسَّمَٰوَٰتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضِۚ جَعَلَ لَكُم مِّنۡ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَزۡوَٰجࣰا وَمِنَ ٱلۡأَنۡعَٰمِ أَزۡوَٰجࣰا يَذۡرَؤُكُمۡ فِيهِۚ لَيۡسَ كَمِثۡلِهِۦ شَيۡءࣱۖ وَهُوَ ٱلسَّمِيعُ ٱلۡبَصِيرُ
[He is] Creator of the heavens and the earth. He has made for you from yourselves, mates, and among the cattle, mates; He multiplies you thereby. There is nothing like unto Him, and He is the Hearing, the Seeing.
Allāh sees your struggle to remain chaste in a world full of immorality. He sees you trying to stay dry in an ocean of fitnah. He sees your patience in the cold nights when you crave the warmth of a righteous companion. It is natural to crave security, mercy, warmth, and tranquility in the opposite gender. Allāh says:
Ar-Rum 30:21
وَمِنۡ ءَايَٰتِهِۦٓ أَنۡ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنۡ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَزۡوَٰجࣰا لِّتَسۡكُنُوٓاْ إِلَيۡهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَكُم مَّوَدَّةࣰ وَرَحۡمَةًۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَأٓيَٰتࣲ لِّقَوۡمࣲ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.
He sees the moments you fight against whispers urging you to fall into sin. And the moments you have those conversations with your friends about how much you love to get married soon. And the cute couple fantasies you daydream about. And how much you blush when the thought of your dream man comes to mind. He sees how much you smile when you get compliments that you’d make a good wife and how you really can’t wait to be that “good wife” bi idhniLlāh. He knows your wants and He knows your needs.
Our Lord–The Most High reminds us in Al-Baqarah 2:186
وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌۖ أُجِيبُ دَعۡوَةَ ٱلدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِۖ فَلۡيَسۡتَجِيبُواْ لِي وَلۡيُؤۡمِنُواْ بِي لَعَلَّهُمۡ يَرۡشُدُونَ
And when My servants ask you, [O Muḥammad], concerning Me – indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.
And in Suratul Qaf 50:16
وَلَقَدۡ خَلَقۡنَا ٱلۡإِنسَٰنَ وَنَعۡلَمُ مَا تُوَسۡوِسُ بِهِۦ نَفۡسُهُۥۖ وَنَحۡنُ أَقۡرَبُ إِلَيۡهِ مِنۡ حَبۡلِ ٱلۡوَرِيدِ
And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein.
And know this: your Lord is with you.
Every time you lower your gaze, every time you say no to your nafs, every time you turn down a proposal for the sake of Allāh, every time you turn your tears into duʿā’ instead of despair. He records it. He loves those who strive against themselves for His sake.
Yā habibty, the struggles are real and only realistic solutions can help deal with them; Seek a righteous companion, keep your mind busy and occupied with as many halāl activities as your ability can carry, especially the Qurān and seeking beneficial knowledge. And last but not least, seek forgiveness from your Lord:
A man once came to al-Hasan al-Basri and complained to him:
“The sky does not shower us with rain.” He replied: “Seek Allah’s forgiveness (i.e. say Astaghfirullah)
Then another person came to him and said, “I complain of poverty.”
He replied: “Seek Allah’s forgiveness.”
Then another person came to him and complained, “My wife is barren; she cannot bear children.” He replied: “Seek Allah’s forgiveness.”
The people who were present said to al-Hasan, “Every time a person came to you complaining, you instructed them to seek Allah’s forgiveness?”
Al-Hasan al-Basri said, “Have you not read the statement of Allah?
Nuh 71:10-12
فَقُلۡتُ ٱسۡتَغۡفِرُواْ رَبَّكُمۡ إِنَّهُۥ كَانَ غَفَّارࣰا. يُرۡسِلِ ٱلسَّمَآءَ عَلَيۡكُم مِّدۡرَارࣰا. وَيُمۡدِدۡكُم بِأَمۡوَٰلࣲ وَبَنِينَ وَيَجۡعَل لَّكُمۡ جَنَّٰتࣲ وَيَجۡعَل لَّكُمۡ أَنۡهَٰرࣰا
And said, ‘Ask forgiveness of your Lord. Indeed, He is ever a Perpetual Forgiver. He will send [rain from] the sky upon you in [continuing] showers. And give you increase in wealth and children and provide for you gardens and provide for you rivers.
Loneliness in this world is temporary. What awaits with Allāh is everlasting.
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